apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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