You just made me feel so damn special
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
