You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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