I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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