Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
