weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
