hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
