i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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