We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
