My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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