I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
