Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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