I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
