And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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