and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
