this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
