this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Someone signed my nipple.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
