Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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