At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
