he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
