So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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