he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
