Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
