none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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