I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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