i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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