Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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