That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
