i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
