Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This house was built for laser tag.
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Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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