I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also, beer. Big fan.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
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All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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