he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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