dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
