How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
