I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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