the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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