It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit