I think I am morally bankrupt
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
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I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can