Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...