and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
