my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
