ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
