Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
