Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
