...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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