My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
