things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
