Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
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Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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