All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
