she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.