so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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