the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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