cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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