so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
