Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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