Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
