You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
