Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize