she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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