I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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