I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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