from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the condom got lost in my hair
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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